Being in love with someone is an emotion and intensity like no other, and it's hard to imagine feeling that way again when that's over.
Losing someone you love can be like losing a part of yourself; how to let go of something you don't want to live without.
When you fall in love for the first time, the pain of separation seems unbearable because your love experience was limited to one relationship. You just can't understand how life can go on.
You may feel confused and lost now that your relationship is over and you are struggling to figure out how to get back on your feet. When you're so emotionally attached to someone, it's hard to imagine what life would be like without that person.
Whether you accept it now or not, your relationship ended for a reason. There's always something to learn from a relationship, and as much as you might not want to believe it, it's probably for the best that it happened.
If you're trying to cope with the loss of a loved one, read on for some tips on moving on and starting life without them.
Speak to an experienced, certified relationship counselor who will help you navigate the pain of losing the love of your life. You might want to tryTalk to someone on RelationshipHero.comfor insightful, specific, and truly insightful relationship advice in the most convenient way possible.
1. Give yourself time to cry.
Losing the love of your life is traumatic and painful.
The expectation is that after some crying and some ice cream, you'll pick yourself back up and move on. But in reality it is much more difficult than that.
When you're in love with someone, that bond doesn't go away when that person is no longer a part of your life.
To cope with this adjustment, you must allow yourself to mourn the loss of your relationship and navigate how the world is without her by your side.
Pushing those feelings aside and pretending you're over someone too soon is unrealistic and will only make the process of getting over it longer.
Healing the loss of a loved one takes time, and expressing your feelings is good. But the moment it becomes rampant, it becomes unhealthy.
Reminiscing about your ex and needing a moment to yourself is very different than intentionally snapping old photos of you together or consciously asking you where they are or who they are with.
There comes a point in your grieving process when you begin to find a way out. You must learn to visit your ex's memories less and less in order for the pain of losing you to pass. Grief is a way of dealing with our emotions, but if you let it consume you, you will only be trapped in a dark place.
When you know your relationship is over and you've accepted your loss, it's time to take control of your life again. Youhe canget over it and you will be empowered to be just as happy without them as you thought you would be with them.
2. Don't try to control your ex.
When you break up with someone you love, it can seem strange that they are out there and yet you have no idea what they are doing with their life. This concept can be difficult to grasp, especially if you never thought you would be apart.
The temptation to reach out in any way or check out their social networks can be overwhelming, only to then feel a connection with them again.
But that can often do more harm than good. Social networks only represent a snapshot and can be organized. You'll never really know how they feel from a photo or comment, and seeing them happy somewhere without you will only cause more pain.
We usually give in when we're feeling most vulnerable and want to see an ex. It's the worst possible time to see happy photos contrasted with how miserable you are.
As much as you don't want to cut ties with someone you love by hiding them on social media orblock his numberFor a while, it might be just what you need to keep going.
The idea will seem so strange after such a long time, but it is worth implementing.
3. Trust that time will help you.
It's a cliché you probably don't want to hear when you've just lost someone you love, but time usually makes things better. Or at least it can help.
Of course, knowing that you'll get better at some point in the future isn't very reassuring when you can't help but think about and miss your ex in the present.
But it's something you have to trust.
It seems impossible when your feelings are so raw but to trust the timeease the pain you feel for an ex and smooth the rough edges of your memories togetherit's something you can trust.
There is no single answer to thishow long does it take to get over a breakupand accept the situation. It depends on how willing you are to focus on looking ahead and not looking back.
But in every moment of sadness, when the pain of losing what you had unexpectedly sets in, console yourself with the knowledge that tomorrow will be easier than today.
4. Talk to a therapist.
There doesn't have to be anything "wrong" with you to find a professional to talk to.
Talking to a relationship therapist about your experiences can be a valuable and effective way to understand yourself and learn to manage your emotions when they are feeling overwhelmed.
It's an opportunity to talk to someone who won't judge what you say, what led to the breakup, or how emotional you are about it. Someone who has no other intention than to listen to you.
Talking to friends and family is great, but they're not trained to say the right things to help you process your feelings constructively and move on.
A therapist who specializes in relationships and separation grief is someone who really listens and can help you navigate your emotional minefield and the uneasiness of living without someone by your side.
They can begin to lift you out of the dark room you are in and help you settle into a place of acceptance and understanding.
We encourage you to speak to one of our experienced relationship specialists.hero of the relationship. You can do this via phone, video, or web/text chat, and it's usually a lot cheaper than meeting someone in person.
Here is the linkbegin.
And remember, if you ask for help, you haven't "failed"; shows a genuine desire to improve and may be in your best interest in coming to terms with that loss.
5. Don't try to replace your ex.
When you're dealing with the loss of a partner, especially a partner you truly loved, it just doesn't feel normal to be single.
You are so used to having someone else involved in your plans, time, and thoughts that every daily activity you have to do only accentuates their absence.
It's understandable if you're looking for someone to fill that gap. You will tell yourself that you are ready to move on and that you are not rushing anything. But be careful not to jump straight into a relationship after losing the love of your life.
Dating can be a great way to meet new people and get back together, and remember that there are others you can connect with besides your ex.
But if you start anything serious in the first few months, you might miss your ex even more than before.
A new partner is not going to replace the relationship you had and suddenly you will not feel the same love for them as you did for your ex. Your new partner will have their own quirks that are different from your previous relationship and as a reminder of serving everything you once had and no longer have.
Dealing with your old feelings about your ex while balancing your new partner's feelings and your confused feelings about them is too much to ask. It's not fair to either of you and it will end up hurting both of you.
As much as you miss having someone around, finding a new partner will not restore the relationship you lost. You need time to fully process your experiences, strange as it may seem when you are alone.
6. Remember that your ex is not who you think he is.
Coping with the loss of a loved one can make you look at your relationship through rose-colored glasses.
The memories you cling to are when you were happier; when you and your ex were in their prime.
The sad reality is that the person you are thinking about no longer exists. Those happy memories you keep are from a different time when you and your ex were at a different stage in your life.
Since those moments, you have reached a point in your relationship where it has fallen apart. Your ex is now not the person you imagined, but the person who no longer wants to be in a relationship with you.
It's a cold, hard truth, and it doesn't always make sense how you went from one extreme to the other. But to come to terms with your loss, you must redefine your perspective on the person you long for.
Stop thinking of her as the only true love in your life. tell you they're goneAThe love of your life; possibly one of many.
Unfortunately we cannot go back in time and go back to when we were happier. All we can do is cherish those memories and try to move on with our lives and experience more like them.
When you go through this breakup, you are already a different person than you were in those precious moments.
Remember that your relationship ended for a reason, even if it wasn't your choice. And that you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you and not waste your emotions on someone who only exists in the past.
7. Take the time to learn more about your relationship.
As much as you think you missed the perfect relationship, there must be a reason it ended.
Once the pain subsides and your emotions settle, try to assess what you did wrong.
People don't break up for no reason. When you take the time to really think about your past relationship, was everything as good as it seemed?
did you fight You are jealous? Were you truly happy and content with your ex, or did you try to be someone who didn't live up to his expectations?
Think about how you behaved towards them and how many times you could have done things differently. Rethinking past mistakes can help you improve your future relationships and come to terms with the fact that what you lost may not have been as perfect as you thought.
If you've struggled to make a relationship work, it can be harder to leave when it's finally over. But a healthy, happy relationship shouldn't feel like hard work. You may have had intense and passionate love, but quiet and solid relationships are often better for us in the long run.
We can only grow from mistakes. This relationship didn't work out, but you will have a better understanding of yourself about it. If you have never broken up, you could get caught up in a tumultuous relationship and never meet your true soulmate.
A bad breakup can help us realize when we've finally found something good, so hope you find something better out of this heartbreak.
8. Remember that you are not defined by this relationship.
Before this relationship, there was a happy you. After that there will be a happy you.
Right now it seems like there is no life without your ex and you can't imagine being happy without his love but trust that you will be.
This relationship and the love they shared doesn't make them the interesting and unique person they are. In fact, you found that connection because of who you are.
So it stands to reason that if you've attracted someone who loved you so much just because you're yourself, it could happen again. It will happen again.
The heartbreak and loss of a loved one is a turning point in everyone's life. This shapes how you respond to relationships and has a profound effect on your attitude. It is something you will never forget and it will be one of the most difficult experiences you will have to overcome.
But that experience doesn't make you what you are; it is just one of many that make up the carpet of your life experiences.
Try to notice if you mention your breakup when introducing yourself to others or going on dates. Stop when you find yourself going back to your ex's memories for anecdotes. Invest time and energy in yourself and start seeing your life separate from what you shared with your ex.
The memories will never fade and you will eventually learn to look back and see positive things from shared experiences. But you are not defined by this relationship, nor by any future relationship. This was a chapter in your life, but it is up to you to decide the next part of your story.
9. Think before communicating with them.
When you no longer talk to or see someone every day and share every aspect of your life with them, it feels strange to suddenly cut off all contact.
A part of you might want to reach out, even just to check and see how your ex is doing. Alternatively, you may feel like you're not done and want to talk to them about why they fell in love with you.
Before you take that step, think carefully about what you expect from them.
Are you expecting a reconciliation or an explanation as to why things went the way they did? If so, have you really thought about the answer you might get?
When you're done, there will be a reason for it. You may still love her, but her feelings for you may have changed. Talking to them can end up being a more painful experience than not knowing anything about them.
Think about how you would feel if you went and they ignored you. Do you want to anxiously search your phone for an answer? Would that add shame to the pain you were already feeling?
If they answered, how would you feel if what they said was cold or hurtful, or if you didn't get the answers you were looking for? Could you walk away or would that make you even more angry and frustrated? What if they say they've already moved in with someone else?
Even if they told you everything you wanted to hear and come back to, wouldn't there always be a small part of your mind wondering what would have happened if you hadn't reached out? Could you really forgive and forget all the pain you went through to try again?
If they haven't contacted you yet, doesn't that say something? If they missed you as much as you missed them, they could have contacted you if they wanted.
It's a personal choice, but before you dive in and try to reconnect, make sure you feel emotionally strong enough to handle the pain when things aren't going the way you hoped.
10. Make the decision to move on.
There are so many different things you can do to help get over the loss of a loved one, and you'll find advice from every angle.
Everyone will have a different opinion on what helps, whether it's getting away for a while, taking up a hobby, changing your style, or eating entire boxes of chocolates while crying to rom-coms.
I hope you have a strong support network of friends and family who are there to comfort you and listen when you need to talk. Or you could even have tried talking to a relationship therapist to sort through all the emotions running through your head.
Even if you do all these things and feel like you're doing all you can,The only person who can help you let go of your ex is you.
No matter how often you see a therapist or hit the gym, if you can afford to check your ex's social media and refuse to cut off contact, you will never move on.
Even if you allow yourself to sit there and reminisce about their past memories or dream about where they might be and if they miss you, you still give them power over your thoughts and feelings and don't allow yourself to have one create emotional distance between them. You.
There will be times when you have no control over your brain and suddenly something hits you that reminds you of her. How you react to these moments determines how quickly you can overcome them.
If you really want to feel better and start letting go of the love of your life, you need to exercise your brain and be strict with your thoughts to move away from the memories of your lost love.
Whenever you're tempted to think about her, try to focus on something or someone else. Don't let yourself fall into old emotions and memories that make you sad and nostalgic.
No matter how much help and support is out there for you, you are the only one who can control what you focus on. So trust in your own strength to build a life apart from your past relationship and focus on the happiness that lies in your future.
You may not want this, but you need to start making a conscious decision to focus on yourself and not her, and to put your energy into your future, not your past.
It is possible to move on from a lost love. Even if you're feeling hopeless right now, there are people who know the feeling you're going through and will support you until you come out the other side.
Relationships don't always work out as planned, and even if a breakup feels so bad at the moment, it's usually for the best.
In the future he will be able to look back on that moment and realize how much stronger it is for him and see how it got him to where he needed to be. But for now try to focus on finding what makes you happy again.
Make time to reconnect with friends and family and immerse yourself in all the things you love to do. The love of friends and family may not be the love you lost, but it is just as important and can sustain you through the loneliest of times.
don't see yourself alone Instead, free yourself so that you can focus only on yourself and your own happiness.
You are stronger than you feel right now, and one day you will be thankful you didn't stay in a relationship that wasn't right for you. Nothing compares to the love you just shared because you can never recreate it, and it's important not to judge future relationships based on the one you just had.
Love is as unique as the two people in a relationship. Keep hoping that there's a new person out there with a new kind of love for you, just waiting for you to find them...when you're ready for it.
Still not sure how to move forward with your relationship?No breakup is easy, especially when you felt it would be your love forever. But one day you will be better. That day will come sooner if you speak to a relationship expert.then why notChat online with one of Relationship Hero's expertswho can help and guide you.
Maybe you like:
- How to apply the no contact rule after a breakup with an ex
- 7 Reasons You're Thinking About Your Ex (+ How To Stop)
- Dating Again After a Breakup: How Long Should You Wait?
- Why do breakups hurt so much? The pain of ending a relationship.
- 6 Reasons for Breakup Guilt + 4 Ways to Deal With It
- If your love has died, don't tell yourself these 8 myths
- How to stop obsessing over someone: 16 no-nonsense tips!