5 Ways to Improve Your Next Relationship If It's a Forever Knot (2023)

No relationship is perfect. I know, shocking right? There are no unicornsno longer, at least), and there is no "perfect relationship".

And while learning is a little difficult (especially the unicorn thing), it also means there are things you can do to constantly improve your relationship. That means it can almost always get better.

Whether you're currently in a relationship that you'd like to improve in some way, or you're single and want to know how to make your next relationship better than your last, here are five ways I've found to help each improve relationship. given relationship:

I want to break this down into two different categories:

(a) Self-love

It's become a cliché, but you really have to learn to love yourself before you can love others. Regardless of how many times you get it wrong, I assure you that you are not fundamentally broken or defective.

You are worth loving and you deserve to be with someone who appreciates you for who you are. So drop the self-judgmental, hypercritical view of yourself and let that self-love dial in.

How you do that? Well, for starters, before you dive into a relationship with anyone else, first reconnect with who you are.Udsthey are. Access your essence and remember what makes you unique. Remember what enlightens you.

My heart soars every year when I see snow flurries fall for the first time. Seeing those flakes in the air reminds me of the exhilarating feeling of snowboarding down a mountain. It reminds me of what it's like to go my own way.

This is my essence. This is the same girl who, when she first started dating her ex-husband, told him he wouldn't see her much on the weekends during the winter months unless he learned to snowboard and started taking her to the to go slope. She is fiercely independent, secure in who she is and not afraid to pursue what she loves.

Whenever I align with my core self, I am determined to find what makes me happy, what enlightens me. And if a guy comes into the picture, he's welcome to join the adventure and share in my happiness, but there's no way I'm letting him get away with it.

Before bringing another person into your world, first make it clear who you are when there is no one else in the picture. You will know this as soon as you find your core self and allow yourself to live from that space, for you will feel that you are in full alignment. You will feel like you have come home.

(b) Self Improvement

Our relationships are never perfect because as human beings we are always imperfect. Chances are you have some traits or bad habits that aren't good for you (though you're not ready to recognize or admit them just yet).

I know what I am doing. I even have a name for this flawed part of me: "prim kim" (short for "primitive kim"). She's the side of me that has a scarcity mentality and responds to things simply through the fight-or-flight mechanism. It acts out of fear and pain and instinctively strikes to protect itself.

Do you have a part of you that is like this? Many of us have.

It can be good practice to identify this side of you as it exists within you. Because by acknowledging its existence and calling it out, you can gradually work on distancing yourself from it.

Realize that this negative part of you is not who you really are, it is not your core self, and you have the ability to work on getting rid of it. Taking this approach gives you a little more objectivity and awareness whenever that anxious part of you kicks in, so you can learn to mitigate and control it.

Bad habits you've picked up over time and any negative patterns you've developed will affect the course of any relationship you find yourself in, which brings me to my second recommendation.

Your perception of your current relationship is heavily influenced by your past relationships. Therefore, old hurts or things that happened to you in previous relationships can cause you to recognize dangers that don't really exist in your current relationship.

We all naturally interpret the present in relation to the past. Be careful not to make unfair assumptions based on this bias.

For example, in my relationship with my ex-husband, I was "the victim." He had problems with anger and substance abuse. So I kept getting hurt. And as a result, I've gotten used to playing the victim and expecting the worst from my partner.

When I got into a new relationship after my divorce, this habit I had developed came back and I started expecting the worst from my new partner as well.

When he went to bars with one or more of his friends, I figured he was going to be in a cast and I was going to get hurt in one way or another. I was afraid that he would let me down or hurt me, not because he had done anything to justify that assumption on my part, but because that's exactly what I expected from my partner, whoever he was.

You must do everything possible not to compare your new partner to your ex.. Your partner deserves more than that, better than that, from you. And engaging in such unhealthy comparison exercises will only lead to dissatisfaction and conflict.

Instead, work through any past trauma you may have had, reset your expectations, and move on when you're ready.

Essentially, you have to own your own shit. Take responsibility for the role you play in disagreements with your partner (notAllit's your partner's fault) and own up to any negative habits or patterns that may have contributed or contributed to the relationship.

To give another personal example, I'm really bad at directly asking for things I want when I'm in a relationship. I'm not exactly sure when or why I acquired this trait (I probably learned it growing up), but I tend to be rather passive and indirect when it comes to communicating that I want something from my partner. .

In the past, I've had negative associations with the idea of ​​being assertive when expressing my needs in a relationship context. As such, I tend to go the quiet and subtle route when trying to communicate my needs, which (understandably) tends to put my partner off.completely dementedas you have no easy way of determining what you want at any given time. For him, it feels like he's playing a game he can't win.

I've learned to recognize and acknowledge that my tendency to be indirect can be an issue that I bring into my relationships, so it's an area where I've made a concerted effort to grow and improve. I've actively worked to be more direct in asking for the things I want, and at times I've even asked my partner for help to hold me accountable.

We all have luggage. This is not a problem that is likely to go away. But make up your mind and make an effort to bring your own luggage. Don't burden your partner with this.

Things will never be perfect. Every couple has problems. Sometimes they fight and hurt each other's feelings. That's to be expected.

But relationships are delicate things that need nurturing and nurturing.

And sometimes we make the mistake of adding fuel to our fights and prolonging them. Interestingly, sometimes we even feel that waymore connectedto our partner, making us feel heard or giving us the attention we crave. As a result, we can get stuck in a negative pattern and fight more and more regularly.

While fights sometimes pull you in and make you feel like you're connecting with your partner, you're not. They often irreversibly damage your relationship, undermining its foundations while filling it with increasing unhappiness and resentment. Gradually kill off any potential connection with your partner.

So instead of continuing to engage in this negative pattern, learn to quickly reduce conflict and avoid arguments once they start.

Notice the tendency you have (like all of us) to feed your thoughts to the emotions you experience. For example, when you're sad, you think about how sad you are, and that makes you even sadder. Your mind reflects that emotion and your thoughts amplify it.

Learn to let go and switch off emotions or highly emotionally charged situations. Learn not to fall victim to your thoughts.

Only you have control over how you react to something. So, even if sometimes your partner's words touch an emotional nerve or trigger something inside you, you always have the opportunity to really let it go instead of exploding and forgive instead of holding a grudge.

The faster you learn to move from a place of struggle and conflict to a place of connection or fun, the healthier and happier your relationship will be.

Humans have an incredible capacity for change, and we change all the time. The person you dated will likely be a little different a few years down the line. We all change, lose and create new layers over time.

With that in mind, try to learn more and more about your partner. Make a habit of regularly updating what you know about them. Don't make the mistake of taking your partner for granted or assuming you know everything about them, or else your connection will fade and one or both of you could become estranged.

Share with your partner who you are and who you are becoming. Keep inviting them into your head and heart.

And talk to your partner regularly to find out what new things brighten or excite you. Be open, tolerant, curious and playful. Discover new connection points.

See if you can continue to discover and nurture some common interests, but also don't be afraid to invest the time and space to cultivate any unique interests you may have in your partner.

And make sure you keep learning, growing and evolving. Because life is our chance to grow. Our journey of self-discovery and self-improvement can continue throughout our lives.

There is no limit to our ability to continually grow and improve, and the same truth applies to our relationships with others. In these areas we are equipped with unlimited possibilities. So let's find him.