5 Ways to Improve Your Next Relationship If It's a Forever Knot (2023)

No relationship is perfect. I know, shocking right? There are no unicornsno longer, at least), and there is no "perfect relationship".

And while learning is a little difficult (especially the unicorn thing), it also means there are things you can do to constantly improve your relationship. That means it can almost always get better.

Whether you're currently in a relationship that you'd like to improve in some way, or you're single and want to know how to make your next relationship better than your last, here are five ways I've found to help each improve relationship. given relationship:

I want to break this down into two different categories:

(a) Self-love

It's become a cliché, but you really have to learn to love yourself before you can love others. Regardless of how many times you get it wrong, I assure you that you are not fundamentally broken or defective.

You are worth loving and you deserve to be with someone who appreciates you for who you are. So drop the self-judgmental, hypercritical view of yourself and let that self-love dial in.

How you do that? Well, for starters, before you dive into a relationship with anyone else, first reconnect with who you are.Udsthey are. Access your essence and remember what makes you unique. Remember what enlightens you.

My heart soars every year when I see snow flurries fall for the first time. Seeing those flakes in the air reminds me of the exhilarating feeling of snowboarding down a mountain. It reminds me of what it's like to go my own way.

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This is my essence. This is the same girl who, when she first started dating her ex-husband, told him he wouldn't see her much on the weekends during the winter months unless he learned to snowboard and started taking her to the to go slope. She is fiercely independent, secure in who she is and not afraid to pursue what she loves.

Whenever I align with my core self, I am determined to find what makes me happy, what enlightens me. And if a guy comes into the picture, he's welcome to join the adventure and share in my happiness, but there's no way I'm letting him get away with it.

Before bringing another person into your world, first make it clear who you are when there is no one else in the picture. You will know this as soon as you find your core self and allow yourself to live from that space, for you will feel that you are in full alignment. You will feel like you have come home.

(b) Self Improvement

Our relationships are never perfect because as human beings we are always imperfect. Chances are you have some traits or bad habits that aren't good for you (though you're not ready to recognize or admit them just yet).

I know what I am doing. I even have a name for this flawed part of me: "prim kim" (short for "primitive kim"). She's the side of me that has a scarcity mentality and responds to things simply through the fight-or-flight mechanism. It acts out of fear and pain and instinctively strikes to protect itself.

Do you have a part of you that is like this? Many of us have.

It can be good practice to identify this side of you as it exists within you. Because by acknowledging its existence and calling it out, you can gradually work on distancing yourself from it.

Realize that this negative part of you is not who you really are, it is not your core self, and you have the ability to work on getting rid of it. Taking this approach gives you a little more objectivity and awareness whenever that anxious part of you kicks in, so you can learn to mitigate and control it.

Bad habits you've picked up over time and any negative patterns you've developed will affect the course of any relationship you find yourself in, which brings me to my second recommendation.

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Your perception of your current relationship is heavily influenced by your past relationships. Therefore, old hurts or things that happened to you in previous relationships can cause you to recognize dangers that don't really exist in your current relationship.

We all naturally interpret the present in relation to the past. Be careful not to make unfair assumptions based on this bias.

For example, in my relationship with my ex-husband, I was "the victim." He had problems with anger and substance abuse. So I kept getting hurt. And as a result, I've gotten used to playing the victim and expecting the worst from my partner.

When I got into a new relationship after my divorce, this habit I had developed came back and I started expecting the worst from my new partner as well.

When he went to bars with one or more of his friends, I figured he was going to be in a cast and I was going to get hurt in one way or another. I was afraid that he would let me down or hurt me, not because he had done anything to justify that assumption on my part, but because that's exactly what I expected from my partner, whoever he was.

You must do everything possible not to compare your new partner to your ex.. Your partner deserves more than that, better than that, from you. And engaging in such unhealthy comparison exercises will only lead to dissatisfaction and conflict.

Instead, work through any past trauma you may have had, reset your expectations, and move on when you're ready.

Essentially, you have to own your own shit. Take responsibility for the role you play in disagreements with your partner (notAllit's your partner's fault) and own up to any negative habits or patterns that may have contributed or contributed to the relationship.

To give another personal example, I'm really bad at directly asking for things I want when I'm in a relationship. I'm not exactly sure when or why I acquired this trait (I probably learned it growing up), but I tend to be rather passive and indirect when it comes to communicating that I want something from my partner. .

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In the past, I've had negative associations with the idea of ​​being assertive when expressing my needs in a relationship context. As such, I tend to go the quiet and subtle route when trying to communicate my needs, which (understandably) tends to put my partner off.completely dementedas you have no easy way of determining what you want at any given time. For him, it feels like he's playing a game he can't win.

I've learned to recognize and acknowledge that my tendency to be indirect can be an issue that I bring into my relationships, so it's an area where I've made a concerted effort to grow and improve. I've actively worked to be more direct in asking for the things I want, and at times I've even asked my partner for help to hold me accountable.

We all have luggage. This is not a problem that is likely to go away. But make up your mind and make an effort to bring your own luggage. Don't burden your partner with this.

Things will never be perfect. Every couple has problems. Sometimes they fight and hurt each other's feelings. That's to be expected.

But relationships are delicate things that need nurturing and nurturing.

And sometimes we make the mistake of adding fuel to our fights and prolonging them. Interestingly, sometimes we even feel that waymore connectedto our partner, making us feel heard or giving us the attention we crave. As a result, we can get stuck in a negative pattern and fight more and more regularly.

While fights sometimes pull you in and make you feel like you're connecting with your partner, you're not. They often irreversibly damage your relationship, undermining its foundations while filling it with increasing unhappiness and resentment. Gradually kill off any potential connection with your partner.

So instead of continuing to engage in this negative pattern, learn to quickly reduce conflict and avoid arguments once they start.

Notice the tendency you have (like all of us) to feed your thoughts to the emotions you experience. For example, when you're sad, you think about how sad you are, and that makes you even sadder. Your mind reflects that emotion and your thoughts amplify it.

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Learn to let go and switch off emotions or highly emotionally charged situations. Learn not to fall victim to your thoughts.

Only you have control over how you react to something. So, even if sometimes your partner's words touch an emotional nerve or trigger something inside you, you always have the opportunity to really let it go instead of exploding and forgive instead of holding a grudge.

The faster you learn to move from a place of struggle and conflict to a place of connection or fun, the healthier and happier your relationship will be.

Humans have an incredible capacity for change, and we change all the time. The person you dated will likely be a little different a few years down the line. We all change, lose and create new layers over time.

With that in mind, try to learn more and more about your partner. Make a habit of regularly updating what you know about them. Don't make the mistake of taking your partner for granted or assuming you know everything about them, or else your connection will fade and one or both of you could become estranged.

Share with your partner who you are and who you are becoming. Keep inviting them into your head and heart.

And talk to your partner regularly to find out what new things brighten or excite you. Be open, tolerant, curious and playful. Discover new connection points.

See if you can continue to discover and nurture some common interests, but also don't be afraid to invest the time and space to cultivate any unique interests you may have in your partner.

And make sure you keep learning, growing and evolving. Because life is our chance to grow. Our journey of self-discovery and self-improvement can continue throughout our lives.

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There is no limit to our ability to continually grow and improve, and the same truth applies to our relationships with others. In these areas we are equipped with unlimited possibilities. So let's find him.


How can I improve my next relationship? ›

10 Things You Can Do to Improve Your Relationship Right Now
  1. Ask your partner something new. ...
  2. Designate a monthly date night. ...
  3. Say “thank you” ...
  4. Schedule a check-in. ...
  5. Remember the small things. ...
  6. Let go of the past. ...
  7. Show your affection. ...
  8. Learn your partner's boundaries.
Jun 28, 2022

What 3 things make relationships better? ›

All healthy relationships share the following three core components: Mutual respect. Mutual trust. Mutual affection.

What makes a relationship strong and last long? ›

Be honest. Secrets and lies weaken the foundation of any relationship. Ignoring problems (another form of keeping secrets) doesn't make them go away. What is important is respectful, open communication regarding your feelings and dreams.

What are the 5 A's of a relationship? ›

The 5 "As": Acceptance, Affection, Appreciation, Approval, and Attention: The Journey to Emotional Fulfillment.

What are the 4 things you need in a relationship? ›

Without further ado, here are four things that are needed for a healthy relationship: respect, equality, safety, and trust. Each of these components can manifest in healthy ways or in unhealthy ways in any relationship, and are built with actions as much as words.

What makes a relationship strong? ›

Strong relationships are built on effective communication. Make an effort to really listen to each other and share both positive and negative feelings to keep the environment honest and open.

What is the key to successful relationship? ›

To help better understand, we have condensed the keys into five main topics – positivity, empathy, commitment, acceptance, and mutual love and respect. These five topics are further emphasized by proper and continuous communication.

What is the best relationship advice? ›

The Most Important Factor in a Relationship Is Not Communication, But Respect. What I can tell you is the #1 thing . . . is respect. It's not sexual attraction, looks, shared goals, religion or lack of, nor is it love. There are times when you won't feel love for your partner.

What is the key to lasting relationship? ›

The four Cs (communication, compromise, connection, and commitment) are important, but there are many other factors that contribute to the health of an enduring romantic bond. Consider these additional secrets to a long-lasting relationship: Focus on having fun and making good memories together.

How do you keep a man in love with you? ›

Relationship advice for women: 8 tips to keep your man madly in love with you!
  1. Be his best friend. ...
  2. Be spontaneous and playful. ...
  3. Give him his space. ...
  4. Never bring up his past in fights. ...
  5. Be vocal about what you want from your man. ...
  6. Never go for the silent treatment. ...
  7. Compliment him often. ...
  8. Be wild in bed.
Mar 28, 2017

What are the six steps to make a relationship last? ›

Six Tips for Maintaining a Healthy Long-Term Relationship
  1. Compromise. Early in relationships, things tend to be more of a 50/50 split. ...
  2. Be open and honest about your feelings. ...
  3. Know that nobody ever “wins” an argument. ...
  4. Understand how your partner expresses love. ...
  5. Refuse to use the silent treatment. ...
  6. Give them space.
Feb 8, 2017

What are the three C's in a healthy relationship? ›

Relationship dynamics will go up and down based on communication, compromise and commitment, the 3C's.

What are the 5 stages of a healthy relationship? ›

Five Stages of Relationships
  • Attraction. The early days of the relationship are the honeymoon phase. ...
  • Curiosity. As the infatuation fades a bit, you start investigating your partner and who they really are as a person. ...
  • Crisis. ...
  • Deep attachment. ...
  • Commitment.
Nov 19, 2019

What are the 7 types of relationships? ›

The 7 types of relationships, according to psychology.
  • Infatuation: passion only.
  • Friendship: intimacy only.
  • Empty love: commitment only.
  • Romantic love: passion + intimacy.
  • Fatuous love: passion + commitment.
  • Companionate love: intimacy + commitment.
  • Consummate love: passion + intimacy + commitment.
Jun 12, 2021

What are the 6 needs in a relationship? ›

The needs are: Love/Connection, Variety, Significance, Certainty, Growth, and Contribution. The first four needs are necessary for survival and a successful life. The last two needs (growth and contribution), are necessary to experience a fulfilled life.

What are 3 things a woman needs in a relationship? ›

Traits that women tend to value and need most from their romantic partners are integrity, sensitivity, and intimacy.

What are the 5 emotional needs? ›

The core emotional needs are grouped across 5 areas: A secure attachment to others. Freedom to express valid needs and feelings. Autonomy, competence and a sense of identity.

What keeps relationship growing? ›

Growing a relationship from initial attraction to one of a committed and deep bond requires the gradual build of intimacy and trust. These feelings are nurtured over time and developed through shared experiences.

What builds a good relationship? ›

Five ways to build strong relationships
  • Have open and honest communications. Good relationships rely on good communication, whether it's face-to-face, on the telephone or email. ...
  • Develop people skills. This means your ability to relate to others. ...
  • Respect and appreciate others. ...
  • Accept support and be supportive. ...
  • Be positive.

What are the 7 principles of a healthy relationship? ›

These principles include: enhancing their "love maps"; nurturing their fondness and admiration; turning toward each other instead of away; letting their spouse influence them; solving their solvable problems; overcoming gridlock; and creating a shared sense of meaning.

What makes a man happy in a relationship? ›

Clear communication, openness to new experiences, and respect for your partner are key if you want to build a lasting, loving relationship. 1. Make your partner a priority: Take time often to let your boyfriend or hubby know how special he is to you.

How can I make my relationship stronger with my boyfriend? ›

8 Ways To Keep Your Relationship Going Strong
  1. Have an honest and open line of communication. ...
  2. Embrace your individuality. ...
  3. Celebrate your happiness (as an individual and a couple) ...
  4. Make the small things count. ...
  5. Take a vacation (with or without your partner) ...
  6. Laugh together. ...
  7. Adventure outdoors.
May 15, 2019

What are expectations in a relationship? ›

In a good enough relationship, people have high expectations for how they're treated. They expect to be treated with kindness, love, affection, and respect. They do not tolerate emotional or physical abuse. They expect their partner to be loyal.

What is the rule of relationship? ›

Rule–relationships are knowledge NOT of how one thing goes with another thing (facts), but of how one set of things goes with (is connected to) another set of things.

How can I improve my relationship with myself? ›

How to have a healthy relationship with yourself
  1. Check-in with yourself. ...
  2. Validate all your feelings. ...
  3. Remember that it's OK to say “no” ...
  4. Make time for yourself and the things you enjoy. ...
  5. Set boundaries. ...
  6. Remind yourself that it's not 'selfish' to take care of yourself. ...
  7. Consider journaling.

How do I get closer to my partner? ›

6 Ways To Grow Closer To Your Partner
  1. Communicate and Listen to Them. ...
  2. Show Interest in Their Hobbies and Passions. ...
  3. Plan Things to Look Forward To. ...
  4. Start Dating Again. ...
  5. Bring Back the Romance. ...
  6. Get Outside Support.
May 26, 2020

How do you build connection in a relationship? ›

10 ways to connect with your partner daily
  1. 1) Respond to your partner. ...
  2. 2) Hug when you reunite. ...
  3. 3) Create a ritual for your nighttime routine. ...
  4. 4) Connect before you get out of bed. ...
  5. 5) Reach out during the work day. ...
  6. 6) Start Nice. ...
  7. 7) Show appreciation. ...
  8. 8) Find time for yourself.
Jan 18, 2017

How to pull him closer? ›

What Men Want (7 Secrets to Pull Him Closer) (Secret #2 - Have boundaries…
  1. Show that you are not brought down by past problems (i.e. have growth mindset)
  2. Don't be afraid to call him out on his behavior.
  3. Have integrity & stand by your opinions.
  4. Be candid about what you want in a relationship.

What 3 things a man needs in a relationship? ›

According to Steve Harvey, if you provide a man with these three things in a relationship, he won't leave: support, loyalty, and intimacy. Harvey says that men may hide behind their macho demeanors, but in the end they just want to feel special.

What do guys want most in a relationship? ›

Men want love as badly as women do. They just might not always be as obvious about it. But generally, they want the same thing: friendship, companionship, chemistry.


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