Do you think you can reinvent yourself and change the way you perceive yourself and your relationship with the world? Or do you believe that you are destined to be the person you always were? Half of you probably like who you are, but some of you may still feel stuck in a rut, trapped in an unfulfilling relationship, or just overwhelmed byDebtmiself hate. I often hear the refrain: "I can't help it. This is me" or "He'll never change." And the truth is, he couldn't. But he can make a different choice for himself if he wants to.
There are always defining moments in people's lives that make a difference in who we become. Some events aretraumaticand painful, taking us to dark places where we can wander for years. And I think some of us need to make this journey so that we can find our way back to the light of a free and joyous life. Some of us, after healing our own lives, bring back pieces of this map to share with others.
I remember a moment when I was 27 years old. I was a restaurant manager. But I never decided to become a restaurant manager. I got there, as I've gotten everywhere in life, simply by making a series of yes or no decisions: "Do you want any of this?" "Do you want to go out with her?" "Do you want this job?" ?" "Do you want to go into management?" (I said yes to everyone, by the way.) And there I was, a manager with my order book, in the basement of the restaurant doing inventory and ordering for the week. I wasn't a great leader at that point in my life but I was a pretty good manager I was able to handle orders, maintenance, scheduling, payroll and accounting like a pro While sitting theresoloand isolated, licking the wounds of my latest broken heart and feeling trapped in a job that didn't make me feel like I was contributing much to the world, I thought, 'If I'm qualified enough to run a million-dollar restaurant, my and taking care of of the entire organization of the business, why can't I just sort out the details of my miserable life?" And luckily, another part of my brain responded, "There's absolutely no reason why you can't."
That little conversation sparked a shift in me from thinking and trying to figure out why things happened the way they did, to taking concrete action. And luckily I found friends (selected actually) who helped me on my journey. one in particularheavyFriend pointed out that most of my body was replaced every 10 years. (I have researched this and it appears to be true.)
In 10 years, most of the cells that make up your body today will have died and will be replaced by new ones. Your body will look like new. Why can't you change like that?
So why do we chain our days and from one day to the next we feel that we are the same person? The answer is that you don't have to. There is absolutely no reason for you to feel the same way tomorrow.
Try these simple thought experiments:
1. Now look up from your screen and observe your surroundings. Now ask yourself: is there something wrong right now? Stop judging and think about it, regardless of the feelings in your body (which candepressantor fullto emphasize Hormonesand adrenaline). Only in relation to what you see in the room you are in or when you are looking out the window or sitting in the garden. In relation to what you are seeing, is there something wrong at this moment?
For many of you, the answer will be no. So what's wrong? What usually happens is that you think something is wrong because you remember other moments that have already passed. Based on these memories of the past, you tell yourself painful stories about the future. But now that you can feel the air going into your lungs, it's okay.
2. Ask yourself: if I lost mineStorageTonight while I was sleeping and couldn't remember anything from my painful past, would my day be different tomorrow? Can I spend the day feeling good and enjoying the things I see, what I do, and the people I meet? (Remember, this is a thought experiment. I know some of you will wake up in truly abusive or dangerous environments. But bear with me and use your good judgment at least until the end of the read.)
3. See if you can daydream and imagine yourself in another form or world. You can imagine being a princess, Joan of Arc, or a wizard. See if you can imagine yourself in that role. How can you behave differently, see the world and feel differently? See if you can allow emotions and thoughts in this other way to enter your body.
4. Look in the mirror and ask yourself: "What am I?" If you believe that you are a physical body or a collection of cells, you must admit that at least 98% of you are in it will change in the next 10 years. . . So everything must be possible when it comes to change. If you are a soul, you may have to admit that you matter in this life and maybe you just forgot about yourself. And when you play one role, you can choose to play another role.
In one way or another, most of the people I work with have had these conversations with me. And I had them all to myself. I came to the conclusion that most of my moments are very good. It doesn't matter how bad things get at work or in my relationships if I'm in the middle of a creek fishing and losing my memory of the day's events; The outside world may cease to exist, but my moment in the flowing water, feeling the breeze and watching the sunset, that moment is very good. (Snuggling with my dog on the couch is a second!)
In the saddest moments of my life, when I felt powerless and afraid, I imagined myself as a warrior clad in armor going into battle on horseback (this ties in with exercise #3). I imagined the feeling of focus and determination, pride and honor, and the quiet acceptance he would feel under the circumstances. I was so good at imagining that I could (and still can) bring those feelings into my body at will. In those moments I feel energy running through my body and my hair stands on end! is close to onespiritualExperience. Ironically, I get the same feeling sitting in my car with the radio playing rock on a powerbeat (the best one that's working for me right now is Metallica's "Whiskey in the Jar"). It doesn't matter how my day was, if I had a fight with my wife or if things didn't go well at work. Right now, I am who I want to be.
So if you don't like how your life is going or you don't like how you feel or who you think you are, remember that you do matter. And you can choose to play another. You can give yourself new and energizing memories. And for those who doubt (except in relation to aexpectedpresentation), you can select it. I remember what it's like to be a knight going into battle. I don't care if I imagined it. It works for me so I decide to keep it. And for you? do you remember which ones?dreamswhat did you have in the past? If the answer is yes, then you too have memories of things that never happened in the physical world. And now the trick is to do it on purpose.
I have personally seen many people give themselves the freedom to change using this type of narrative exercise. And everything is possible.
I was scared,fearfuland lonely child, to a depressed teenager, to a hopeless young man with no parents who thought he was going to live a hard life and die young. . . to a day standing in the basement of a restaurant taking stock and contemplating the nature of change. And from there I went from being an explorer and student of life, to a freshman at 34, to a Ph.D. in clinical psychology at 45, to a licensed psychologist and professor at Widener University, where I continue to help people to transform their lives and to dominate . OskinguideInstitute
I hope these parts of my story can serve as inspiration. So if you're in a good place in life, try to convey some of these principles to those around you who may feel stuck. And if you feel stuck, remember to payAttentionto your moments that feel good and work, and then chain those moments together and recall them as often as you can until one day you look around and realize that everything is fine.