He broke your heart and now you are struggling to get over the love of your life.
Everything looks boring and gray. Even though weeks (or even months) have passed, you just can't get out of this mood.
You can't concentrate.
You can't eat.
You can not sleep.
Even knowing that being with your ex isn't right for you doesn't make it any easier.getting over someone you love very much.
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If you ended things with him or vice versa, you know that this man was not the right one for you in some way. That hurts. Hard. But you know that being without him is thatthe right way.
Just... accepting how to get over the love of your life is easier said than done.
Your friends say you'll be fine and you just want to hit them. They can't understand what you're going through... can they?
I know you're very focused on yourself right now, but note:Most people have experienced heartbreak at some point. Even if you feel like your friends don't get it, they probably do. So let her be there for you and take care of you.
Was he really the love of your life?
Right now you can't imagine a greater love than the one you had, be it weeks, months or years. And chances are, you've never loved anyone as much as this man. But be brave: there is a bigger and better love waiting for you in the future. You need some time to recover from this agony and then open your heart to love again.
NOearly stages of distress, Sorrow will overwhelm you and you will think that this man was the love of your life and that you will never find a better one. But realize that your thinking is now distorted. In many ways you are not in your right mind.
Acknowledge any feelings you're having, but let them through instead of responding by desperately calling your ex to get back together.
You won't know if he was the love of your life until you have more experiences to compare it to later in life, but I guess when things work out he wasn't your soulmate.
So take comfort in the knowledge that the best love is yet to come.
14 proven steps to get over the love of your life
How to succeedGet over the love of your life, you must go through each of these steps, which have proven successful over and over again in my years of relationship coaching. Be patient with yourself. It won't happen overnight, not even in a few weeks. The best thing you can do right now is put yourself firsthealing process.
1. Let time do its work
Remember: time heals all wounds.
Unfortunately, there's no set timeline for how long it takes for your heart to heal after a rupture. You will find articles online that say it took you a month for every year you were together, but that's not accurate. Everyone is different.
And I know it can be frustrating going through this part of the grieving process, but realize there's nothing you can do to speed it up. What you do during this time will make a difference in your healing.
It turns out heartbreak is actually a physical thing. Researchers at the University of Aberdeen discovered that Takotsubo cardiomyopathy, or "Broken Heart Syndrome,Although it is a rare condition, it is caused by intense emotional or physical stress. The heart muscle is numbed, causing the left ventricle to change shape. One more reason to take care of yourself!
2. If you miss him, remember why you let him go
I can almost 100% guarantee that you will at least partially miss your ex for the next few weeks. You will only remember the positive things about your relationship... and none of the bad.
"He was such a good cook!" [Forget how it sucks when you don't do the dishes HIS way.]
"I loved talking to him all night!" [Ignores how he gets irritable in the morning and picks a fight with you.]
"He really loved me." [although he had trouble viewing it most of the time.]
It can help to write down your feelings so you don't process them. You can write about what you miss, but you also have to be honest and talk about what you don't miss. Write down why you broke up with him (or why it's good that he broke up with you) so you can refer to it if you forget.
3. Know that you will find love again
You have to believe that you will find love again in order to find it.
I know that in this moment you want to believe that you already have the love of your life, but I'm here to tell you: That's not true. you have plenty of time for thatfind the one, and believe me sexy confident lady, it wasn't him.
You can't imagine finding love again, love bigger and better than you've ever known, but you have to tell yourself you will. It may be hard to believe now, but howpositive affirmationsThe more you say them, the more you believe them.
So I want you every morning when you wash your face to look in the mirror and say out loud:
"I will find love again."
4. Stop all communication with him
I have mentioned this tip in posts aboutno contact rule, but it's usually an advice I give when you want to get your ex boyfriend back. In this case, cutting off all contact is for your own sanity so you can focus on healing.
I know it gets difficult when you have children together. In this case, make sure that the communication takes place via SMS or emailjustdeals with the logistics of co-parenting. If he starts pointing the finger at you as the cause of your relationship ending or tries to win you back,does not answer.
If not, staying out of touch should be easy. Delete your friends on social networks. Delete their number from your phone (saves you from drunk texting your ex!). It's all too easy to scroll through your ex's Instagram feed and break apart when you see a photo of him with a woman. So by blocking all lines of communication and contact, you prevent this possibility.
Also, tell your friends not to tell you what you're up to if they follow you on social media.
5. Get rid of old photos, items and gifts that remind you of him
Those old memories don't serve you.
I've worked with women who keep memories of each other. singles. Relationship. They have. always. Had. Including her first friends from the eighth grade.
I say there is absolutely no value in doing this! It only makes you dig up old memories and think about your ex.
So throw away that concert t-shirt you used to love to sleep in.
Delete the photos of you both from your phone.
Donate the giant teddy bear he gave you.
If you can't get rid of something he gave you, put it away and tuck it out of sight. If you haven't thought about this article in over a year, I encourage you to skip it.
6. Take a break from social media
While you don't want to risk seeing photos of your ex through mutual friends' profiles, it's just to get you back on track with yourself. The research shows thatSpending too much time on social media can bring you down, and since you're already there, there's no point in adding fuel to the fire.
when you studyhow to get over the love of your life it can hurt to see others so happy on facebook and instagram. Remember: we tend to filter our lives through social media; Therefore, it is more than likely that none of your friends are as happy as they seem. However, if you remove your social media apps for a while, you can live in the moment and appreciate what's going on around you.
7. Meet up with your friends on Dates.
Who says dating has to be romantic? Use this time to reconnect with friends you may not have spent much time with lately. They'll want to be there for you during these trying times, and it's a great excuse to dress up and do something fun together.
Instead of waiting until you're in a relationship with a guy to take you to a fancy restaurant, go with your best friends.
Instead of waiting for the latest women's empowerment movie to hit Netflix, share a giant tub of popcorn with your sister and watch it on the big screen.
Schedule a weekly, non-cancellable, home-cooked dinner with a handful of girlfriends.
Not only will you be connecting more than ever with the people you care about, but your schedule will fill up quickly, leaving you less time to sit around feeling sorry for yourself.
8. Allow yourself to be sad...but don't wallow
It's okay to have sad days... but don't let it dominate you on a daily basis.
If you try to get over your ex, you will learn that your sadness will make people uncomfortable."Do not be sad"they will say. You won't be able to do anything about it.
I say,be sad. Realize that at this particular timeyou drown in sadness. It will happen. Leave it.
You don't have to fake happiness. But if instead you want to wallow in sadness on the couch with a box of tissues every night, it's time to do something. Consider talking to a therapist or at least a good friend.
9. Give up the idea that you should be with him
This brings me back to my question:Was he really the love of your life?After you've been separated from him for a few weeks, you may answer this question differently than you did right after the breakup. But maybe you still believe that the two of you will get back together sometime in the future.
Maybe it happened in the past. Maybe you're done andthey got back togethermore times than you can count. But that doesn't mean you both have to be; it just makes them habits of each other. Chances are you haven't been apart long enough to think about everything that went wrong in your relationship before getting back together.
I hate starting topics but let me tell you:If it has to be, it will be.But it shouldn't be more than likely. You just can't look around to notice.
Think of your relationship with this guy like an object in the rearview mirror of your car. Immediately after the breakup, he's right behind your car. You can't look around to see what else is out there. But over time, as you drive down this metaphorical road of life, it gets smaller and smaller... until you can barely see it. Give it time. It will disappear from sight.
10. Don't compare yourself to others
"My friend Tiff got over her ex in a month"you complainSo why are you telling me this is going to take months, Adam?
The problem is that you don't realize that Tiff made several bad dating decisions to get over her ex (which clearly shows that she's not over him). Drink a bottle of wine every night. He hides it because he wants you to think it's okay.
She is not.
So stop comparing yourself to her or anyone else. That isAreaway, and it will last as long as it takes. not while youwantfor!
11. Be proud of your decision to get over the love of your life
Especially when you have ended the relationship, you should give yourself a pat on the back. Not all women have the strength to leave a relationship, especially when there are no obvious major problems in it. But you decided against itestablish a good enough relationshipBecause deep down you know there's someone better for you.
So take a moment and really think about the courage it takes to let go of the man you think is the love of your life. There were probably some perks to being with him, like encouraging you to start your own business or introducing you to sushi. But you realized that those perks weren't enough to keep you in the wrong relationship, and you left.
Nice for you!
12. Learn from the breakup
I encourage my relationship coaching clients to find the lessons in everything they do related to dating and relationships. This includes breakups. If you think about it, you will probably see some things that you would like to avoid in future relationships. You might even want to communicate differently with the next guy.
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Again, keeping a diary can be helpful. Don't look at this relationship as something you regret; Instead, find out what you get out of it and how it best prepares you for the next relationship.
13. Get back in the dating game
UGG I know this is herTeamsAdvice you want to hear right now, but one day you'll be ready to take it when you forget someone you loved dearly.
When it comes to going back there, he thinks:You have nothing to lose.
If you know a man whoconnected to online, through friends or in a coffee shop, you don't have to marry him. You don't even have to kiss him. It just remains to be seen if the chemistry is right and if you want to spend more time getting to know him.
14. Trust in your future! It will surprise you!
The day will come when you will stop and realize it"I'm doing well. I'm really fine.
On that day you will see that your future is big and bright before you. And while you don't know exactly what that means or when you'll meet the man you meetEsthe love of your life, that's what makes it so exciting.
So let your future unfold without having to control it. Take each day with gratitude and live in the now.
Conclusion: How do you get over the love of your life? slowly and consciously
Take this time to be kind to yourself.
Think of the learning process of getting over the love of your life as graduating from the School of Hard Knocking. It will suck, guaranteed. But it will end. Keep that perspective even when things are looking bleak.
Billions of people around the world have experienced suffering. You can choose to be a lifelong victim and keep that pain at the heart of everything you do...or just live with it and move on.
I know which ones I prefer.
Be kind to yourself. You will have days where you feel like you are back at square one and believe me this is completely normal. Keep the big picture in mind and how far you've come since the breakup, and know that every day you're one day closer to feeling whole and healed.
What tips can you share with other readers on how to get over the love of your life? Please share them in the comments below.