How to manage between your goals and your partner - Personal Excellence (2023)

“Dear Celes, I have been with my partner for 10 years. I know I made a lot of sacrifices to be with him and I don't regret my choices.

However, lately I've been worried about letting go of aspects of myself and molding myself to be with him without even realizing it. I don't want to lose sight of my dreams. How do you manage between your goals and being with your partner when you're in a relationship? - A-N-A

Hi Anna, most people's approach to this dilemma would be one of the following:

  1. Giving up on your goals of being with your partner (which you have done in the past),
  2. Pursue your goals at the expense of your relationship, or
  3. Find a happy medium where you can pursue some of your goals while still being with your partner.

Options 1 and 2 are unsustainable because a win-lose or lose-win scenario will always end in a lose-lose.

(Video) Dr Myles Munroe: The Power of Personal Excellence

For option 1, if you give up your goals to be with your partner, you will only find yourselfdeeply unhappydue to unfulfilled internal desires that lead to unspoken pressure in the relationship. Even if you're perfectly fine with giving up on your goals, going back to them will keep you from fulfilling yourself, keep you from doing your best for the relationship, and thus rob your partner of your best.

With option 2, pursuing your goals at the expense of your relationship will prevent your relationship from thriving as you won't devote all of your time/energy to it. Even if the relationship remains afloat, it will only be a functional relationship (where two people stick together for companionship) and not a synergistic relationship where both parties thrive together. Your partner may also feel abandoned and ask for a breakup, which happened to someone I knew: They lost their girlfriend after years of neglecting the relationship to pursue their goals.

While Option 3 might seem like a viable option, it's actually also suboptimal. While it may seem like you're meeting your needs and your relationship's needs, you're actually only halfway there, where you're doing a little bit of both without getting the best out of each area. You'll soon find yourself tossed between two extremes, feeling tense and possibly exhausted.

How to build the best relationship

The best relationships are approximateSynergy, where 1+1=3. It means you and your partner are making progress.furtherjMore quicklyLiving together versus if one of you is single. Instead of having an effect of 1+1=2 (where both are simply the sum of the parts), or 1+1=1 or less than 2 (where you actually walk away from a relationship in your life), you have 1 +1 Range =3 or more.

In a synergistic relationship, there is absolutely no trade-off between your personal goals, your partner's goals, or the relationship itself; In fact, you and your partner achieve more when you're together.

(Video) Motivating People to Excellence | Cheryl Ferguson | TEDxWinnipeg

Such synergistic relationships are rare because most people are unaware that such a pattern is possible. To be honest, I never thought much about the relationship dynamic until I felt connected and felt the difference in being with someone. I've seen firsthand how synergistic relationships can be, and we, as individual parts of the whole, play a critical role in creating that synergy.

Example: Dealing with the time limit for personal and relationship activities

One limitation I recently addressed with my partner is the issue of time: we had limited time between us due to (a) his erratic work schedule as he worked in a global team and had work meetings during the day until the early hours. and (b) we lived an hour and a half away, which made it difficult for us to meet during the week due to his schedule.

We ended up spending time on the phone every night, resulting in a total of 25 hours of talk time per week. It was a lot of time that we took from our activities, including sleep. Also, the telephone can be limited as a means of communication because we are not in each other's presence.

After some discussions we decided to move in together and this fit perfectly with my plans as I was planning to move out of my childhood home. (I see moving out of my parents' home as a necessary step in my personal growth.) Moving in together was clearly an option that broke the constraints of time, space, and conflicting daily routines.

By being together, we naturally spend time together every day due to necessary daily activities such as breakfast/lunch/dinner, exercise and sleep/rest; It's also valuable time we spend face-to-face as a couple, as opposed to phone calls, which we view as a "degraded" face-to-face bonding experience. No more planning each other's schedules just to meet and no more long commutes every time we meet. In our case it was the perfect solution.

To notice

(Video) Why the secret to success is setting the right goals | John Doerr | TED

Here we went straight to the heart of the problem, the lack of time, and created a solution that broke with this limitation. Instead of messing with low-level solutions like B. To ration the time we spend on face-to-face activities and on the phone, we created a solution that allows us to answerBothour personal agendasjour relationship needs to talk on the phone better than we ever could with our previous arrangement.

Example: addressing work goals versus building relationships

At first, I was concerned that my relationship with Ken would cause me to neglect my work. It's not that I'm taking my time (I want to spend as much time with him as possible) but because I felt like I couldn't use that time to connect with other people when I was spending my time with him. (All of you).

This concern was especially acute after I noticed that items on my to-do list (for my job) kept getting pushed off to the next day because I (thankfully) spent so much time with him.

While most people's first instinct is to cut back on meeting time and invest time in work, it just didn't feel right for me. i knew the answerwas notreduce the time I spent with him per se because Ito dowant to spend time with him. Cutting down on time with him seemed to stifle my inner self.

Also the solution to consciously part with itjust forconnecting with you felt counterintuitive... it felt like a resolution rooted in fear and scarcity (i.e. I only have XX time and that time I can only spend with my partner or someone else). looked likeincorrect. It felt like a solution based on strength (a place of unconsciousness) rather than power (a place of awareness).

At the same time, neglecting my job was clearly not the solution. Helping others to grow ismy life purpose. It was my passion before I got used to it; It will always be my passion even now that I'm in a relationship. It's a part of me that will never change, no matter who I'm with or where I'm at in life.

So my questions to myself became:How do I get out of this dilemma? How can I meet my work needs while I'm still there/relationship with Ken?

Did not take too longDebatebefore finding the following solutions where you would realize thatmimy personal work planjwhile furthering my relationship:

(Video) A Step Towards Personal Excellence | Antano Solar John | TEDxGITAMUniversity

  1. Include my partner in my work process instead of working in silos. Examples would be letting you know about things I'm working on, sharing my latest projects and getting feedback. My main intention is to include you in this intimate part of my life (my passion for helping others grow), which would obviously bring us closer together (and grow the relationship in the process). Listening to your opinions (if you have thoughts to share) allows me to understand you better (which in turn strengthens the relationship) and helps me to consider perspectives I may not have considered before (which helps me to grow in my I work). .
  2. Sharing my relationship experiences as part of my writing.. This article is an example of how I use my relationship classes to help others. This allows me to use my natural flow, which would help me create great content with minimal effort... instead of writing about topics I'm not in the writing zone for, which would result in uninspired content that is more mental consuming more energy than usual. Since my relationship classes can be used to help others (my personal goal), this gives me an extra incentive to get involved in the relationship, which would make the relationship grow even more .
  3. Have a concrete daily work schedule.Since I was single before, I had all the time in the world for my private activities, so I never needed a fixed daily routine. Creating a specific daily work schedule would help me be more focused and productive at work, which will have a positive impact on my relationship. This daily planning would also ensure that I made time for my relationship every day.

Remember that the above three steps do not affect my personal schedule or my relationship; lead to a boost for me and my relationship.

How to Create Synergy: Use the “And” Versus “Either/Or” Approach

The two examples and solutions I shared above are specific to my situation/relationship. They might be completely irrelevant to you. And that's perfectly fine.

In short, what I share is that long-term conflict resolution between you and the relationship can only be achieved throughFind the path "e" that allows you to recognizeBothyour personal goalsjyour relationship goals at the same time– I would say even better than if you approach each area in isolation.

To notice

Because if you always take an either/or approach, i.e. pursuing your goals or expanding your relationship, you will be faced with a win-lose scenario, which eventually leads to a lose-lose situation, as I explained above. Even a partial win for either side through rationing time/resources for you and your relationship will eventually become a loser-lover, because you are simply occupying two extremes and playing a tug of war between your needs and the needs of others. your relationship. . .

Identifying that path of synergy that will allow you (and your partner) to fly high and achieve more than if each of you were alone/with someone else. This is the hallmark of a genuine, synergistic, and expansive relationship.

(Video) Episode 39: Personal Excellence with Mike Jeanquart

My additional tips for making this relationship a reality:

  1. Always stay in constant and open communication with your partner.Ken and I are talkingdiaryin the things that concern us and in the things that may not occur to us. Whenever we encounter an issue, we immediately address it (instead of leaving these issues open-ended) for careful discussion and a quick resolution.
  2. Constantly articulate your needs (if any) so your partner knows about them.People don't read minds, and if you don't say anything, your partner might not notice. This can lead to conflicts in the future.
  3. Adjust to your partner's needs and make sure they are continually met.(with your help or not). It's not just your needs; Equally important are your partner's needs. This relationship is made of two people and not just you. Work with your partner to make things happen for them, with or without your help.
  4. Capitalize on your strengths and use them to build the relationship.Ken and I have unique skills that complement each other well; Him with his listening skills, his quick perception, empathy and helper and me with my knowledge of personality development. We both use these skills constantly to take our relationship to the next level. Likewise, think about what your and your partner's strengths are and use them to improve your relationship.

Hope this helps Anna; let me know how things go with you!

As for the rest of you, what do you think? How would you approach the question of yourself versus the needs of your relationship?


How do you balance personal goals and relationships? ›

10 Ways to Balance Your Career With Your Love Life
  1. Set boundaries. ...
  2. Talk finances early and often. ...
  3. Carve time out for each other. ...
  4. Don't go to bed angry. ...
  5. Balance sacrifices. ...
  6. Show unconditional support. ...
  7. Love the person, not their title. ...
  8. Do the decision two-step.
Oct 11, 2012

How do you achieve your goals with your partner? ›

Create Goals Together—And Separately
  1. Set aside time (maybe during dinner) to chat about goals.
  2. Hold each other accountable and ask how the other person's projects are coming along.
  3. Open up about challenges that are keeping you from accomplishing your goals.
Dec 19, 2019

What to do when you and your partner have different goals? ›

Give yourself and your partner permission to change and grow. Treat your partner with kindness and encouragement if they change their goals even if it may cause conflict. Remember that they will support you if you want to make changes as well.

How Can goal Setting be positive in a relationship and well being? ›

Setting goals is an effective way to increase motivation and to help you to create the changes you want. It can be used to improve health and relationships, or improve productivity at work. Setting goals can also be an important step in the recovery from mental illness.

How do you manage both career and relationship? ›

Here are 5 ways to balance relationships and work together:
  1. Talk it out. One of your first actions should be to sit down and have an open, sincere, and honest conversation with yourself and your partner. ...
  2. Set healthy boundaries. ...
  3. Talk about your common goals. ...
  4. Check if your partner is doing okay. ...
  5. Love.
Nov 26, 2022

How do you align personal and professional goals? ›

Here are a few tips on Aligning Personal and Professional Goals:
  1. Leverage Your Interests. Use your interests to compliment workplace skills. ...
  2. Stay True to Your Boundaries. There is power in knowing your limits and when to stop. ...
  3. Embrace Imperfection.
Oct 29, 2019

What is the relationship between goals and success? ›

Goals applied properly help you overcome those negative feelings and allow you to succeed. Even without the ability to control it all, you can control some of it. Make the most of every situation with properly applied goals to help you slow down, connect, and achieve more.

What are the main important goals for a relationship? ›

Your relationship goals should center around positive communication and honesty. When you have disagreements with your partner, you should aim to fight the problem — not each other. Some great goals are to work on your sex life and make time for fun with your partner.

What are relationship goals examples? ›

What are some relationship goals?
  • Getting to know each other better.
  • Learning about each other's belief system.
  • Moving in together or getting married at some point.
  • Deciding whether to have children.
  • Spending more time together.
  • Encouraging each other's individual goals.
  • Loving each other unconditionally.
Jan 12, 2023

Can a relationship work if you have different goals? ›

So can a relationship work if you have different values? (Short answer: yes. If both parties are willing to communicate, listen and work together.) Keep reading to learn what to do when values conflict.

Should you prioritize your partner over everything? ›

Whether you've been together for six months or 16 years, it's important to always make an effort. Showing your partner you want to make them happy (and will make a real effort to do so) and you care about them more than anything makes all the difference.

Should you share your goals with your partner? ›

Writing down specific goals and sharing them with your partner is like signing a contract. This not only increases social accountability, but it also allows your partner to think about specific ways in which they can act to support you in achieving your goals.

What are smart goals for relationship management? ›

Use the S.M.A.R.T.

Like all goals, your relationship goals should be Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Timely. Here's an example of what that might look like: Goal: spend more time with my friends. Specific: Set aside more time to see how my friends are doing and make plans regularly.

Why the relationship between your values and goals are important? ›

Understanding the value behind a goal allows you to make choices and engage in behaviors in any moment that are in line with what you have determined is important to YOU. When the goal lacks a value behind it, then the only measure of success becomes achievement.

How you would build positive and effective professional relationships? ›

How to build good working relationships in your new job
  1. Be proactive and help where you can without being asked. ...
  2. Make time for everybody, not just the senior stakeholders. ...
  3. Deliver on work and always follow up with people. ...
  4. Show yourself in meetings. ...
  5. Be positive. ...
  6. Learn to communicate effectively.

How do you manage both personal and professional life? ›

Tips On How To Balance Personal And Professional Life
  1. Don't distance yourself. As a responsible individual, it's important to have a personal and professional life. ...
  2. Make a schedule. ...
  3. Communicate. ...
  4. Prioritise what's important at the moment. ...
  5. Manage finance.
Feb 12, 2022

How do you balance personal responsibilities with relationship responsibilities? ›

How to balance responsibilities in your relationship
  1. Be clear about when you need help. ...
  2. Allow your partner to do things their way, not yours. ...
  3. Don't try to split everything up evenly. ...
  4. Talk about improving your relationship when you aren't fighting.

How do you align your success with your goals and objectives? ›

How to align goals across your organization
  1. Set clear organizational goals. Goals alignment starts at the top. ...
  2. Get buy-in from leadership. Once you have your organizational goals outlined, it's time to share them with leadership. ...
  3. Communicate goals on every level. ...
  4. Help employees achieve their goals.
Feb 23, 2021

How do your personal values align with the values? ›

When personal values align with the company's core values, employees are happier and more inspired to do their job. There is an inner motivator that fuels their drive to complete the task at hand because they know that their contribution has a positive impact on the overall success of the company.

How do you work together to achieve success? ›

Here are five steps you can follow to achieve team success:
  1. Maintain open communication. ...
  2. Establish a shared goal. ...
  3. Ensure all team members stay committed. ...
  4. Prepare your team to adapt together. ...
  5. Create an environment of respect. ...
  6. Make decisions together.
May 17, 2021

What is the relationship between effective goal setting and time management? ›

By setting goals, employees know where the bulk of their time each day should be focused. They are better able to prioritize their workload based on the goals of the business, and manage their time better while they are at work.

What is the relationship between goal setting and decision making? ›

In order to be motivated to actually achieve your goals, they need to be based on the information that you considered during the decision-making process. STEP 2: Consider your goals thoughtfully to ensure that they don't contradict each other.

What are the 3 most important goals in life? ›

Why Do You Want to Achieve Your Goals? The second types of goals you need are your personal, family, and health goals. In reality, these are the most important goals of all in determining your happiness and well-being.

What are 3 important things you need in every relationship? ›

All healthy relationships share the following three core components: Mutual respect. Mutual trust. Mutual affection.

What is the most important key to a successful relationship? ›

Being able to talk to your significant other in a way that is comfortable and honest is the most important aspect of having a successful relationship. This is also important when there are unexpected challenges. Being able to talk to each other about what is stressful or bothersome will help strengthen your bond.

What are examples of smart goals for couples? ›

Have a weekly couple's meeting to talk about issues every Wednesday after the kids go to bed. Go on at least one date every week (or every Thursday to be more specific). Read at least 4 books this year on being a better spouse. Attend 2 marriage conferences by the end of next June.

What is the best relationship advice? ›

The Most Important Factor in a Relationship Is Not Communication, But Respect. What I can tell you is the #1 thing . . . is respect. It's not sexual attraction, looks, shared goals, religion or lack of, nor is it love. There are times when you won't feel love for your partner.

What not to say to your partner? ›

14 Things Not to Say to Your Partner
  • If you really loved me you would . . . ...
  • You always / You never. ...
  • I'm not the problem, you are. ...
  • Stop being so sensitive (needy, dramatic, etc.) ...
  • Dont take this the wrong way . . . ...
  • You need to take responsibility. ...
  • Youre acting just like your mother (father). ...
  • I want a divorce / Im done.
Feb 28, 2018

Can 2 ambitious people be together? ›

It's important to recognise that ambition is not a zero-sum game: there's no inevitable winner and loser. You can have a lot of ambition in a couple. '

What are core values in a relationship? ›

Core values are the guiding principles and fundamental beliefs of a relationship. Having shared values is a key component of every successful relationship. Core values could also be considered deal breakers—qualities any romantic partner must have for you to enter into a long-term relationship with them.

How do I prioritize myself over my partner? ›

Don't be afraid to be yourself in a relationship by starting with the tips that seem easier for you to apply:
  1. Know your needs. ...
  2. List your priorities. ...
  3. Understand your limiting beliefs. ...
  4. Say goodbye to guilt. ...
  5. Set your boundaries. ...
  6. Create your self-care routine. ...
  7. Agree your balance together. ...
  8. Stick to your plans.
Sep 27, 2021

Should your partner be your number 1 priority? ›

Primary romantic relationships, for most partners, should be the primary relationship that is given primary priority. If you feel your partner's competing attachments are threatening the relationship and your security within the relationship: 1.

What to do when your partner doesn t make you a priority? ›

What To Do When Your Spouse Doesn't Make You A Priority
  1. Ask, 'What Does Being A Priority Mean To You? '.
  2. Find Out Where His/Her Commitment Lies.
  3. Talk To Him/Her About It.
  4. Try To See Things From Their Standpoint.
  5. Help Him/Her Understand Why This Matters To You.
Aug 22, 2022

How do you stay focused on your goals in a relationship? ›

6 Ways To Make Sure You Don't Lose Sight Of Your Own Identity In A Relationship
  1. Spend Some (Or A Lot Of) Time Alone. ...
  2. Don't Forget Your Old Friendships. ...
  3. Maintain A Hobby. ...
  4. Exercise. ...
  5. Stay Focused On Your Own Goals. ...
  6. Communicate With Your Partner.
Aug 7, 2017

What is an example of a SMART personal goal? ›

SMART goal for writing a book

Specific: I'd like to write a novel. Measurable: I want to write at least 2,000 words a day for three months. Attainable: I'm retired now, so I have more time to dedicate to this project. Relevant: Reading and writing have always been a passion of mine.

What is a SMART goal example for building relationships at work? ›

Example of a SMART goal

To build my relationships with my coworkers, I commit to two coffee chats per month (virtually or in-person) and to attend at least one company event when applicable. This isn't a goal that you need to tell your manager or HR but is something that should show its results naturally.

What is the relationship between goal value and standard? ›

Goals, values and standards are closely related concepts. Value is the base and from values stem the other two concepts - goals and standards. Values are important to the individual but vague to express in operational terms. The concept of goal is more specific.

Why is it important to set goals and share them with others? ›

Sharing your goals with others will help you to stay motivated and accountable and will definitely improve your ability to reach them. But setting goals is not enough – we need people who believe in us, support us, and will push us towards achieving them.

What are five of the key pointers for effective working relationships? ›

A good work relationship requires trust, respect, self-awareness, inclusion, and open communication. Let's explore each of these characteristics. Trust: when you trust your team members, you can be open and honest in your thoughts and actions. And you don't have to waste time or energy "watching your back."

What is the most important skill for building and strengthening positive relationships? ›

Develop effective communication skills

One of the most essential soft skills for building successful work relationships is communication. By developing effective communication skills you can positively influence the way you interact with others.

How you build and maintain relationships in a professional capacity? ›

How to Build and Maintain Relationships in a Professional Capacity
  • Understand your needs first. ...
  • Work on your communication skills. ...
  • Listen. ...
  • Set aside time to build relationships. ...
  • Create boundaries. ...
  • Show appreciation. ...
  • Avoid negativity.

How do you balance yourself time in a relationship? ›

How to Make Time for Yourself in a Relationship
  1. Set boundaries. Boundaries are crucial for any relationship. ...
  2. Be consistent. ...
  3. Be clear about your needs. ...
  4. Set goals. ...
  5. Keep a calendar. ...
  6. Talk to your partner. ...
  7. Make any expectations clear. ...
  8. Be kind to yourself.
May 26, 2021

How do you balance your goals? ›

How to set work-life balance goals you'll actually achieve and...
  1. Figure out why achieving better work-life balance is important to you. ...
  2. Get clear on what better work-life balance means for you. ...
  3. Write your goals down. ...
  4. Get a partner. ...
  5. Start small. ...
  6. Keep going. ...
  7. Celebrate your wins.
Sep 3, 2022

What are 3 things that are your responsibility in a relationship? ›

To communicate clearly and honestly. To compromise when needed without compromising myself. To ask for help when I need it. To check my actions and decisions to decide if they are good or bad for me.

What are the five essential keys to become responsible in a relationship? ›

5 Essentials to Having a Healthy Relationship
  • Communication. You've definitely heard the very cliché “communication is key.” But here's the thing – it's a cliché for a reason. ...
  • Respect. ...
  • Boundaries. ...
  • Trust. ...
  • Support.

What are personal responsibilities in relationship? ›

Each Partner has the Responsibility...

* To treat their partner with respect, equality, and honesty. * To encourage their partner's dreams and individuality. * To never humiliate or put down their partner. * To respect their partner's decisions- even if you don't agree.

What is a healthy balance in a relationship? ›

Healthy relationships involve honesty, trust, respect and open communication between partners and they take effort and compromise from both people. There is no imbalance of power. Partners respect each other's independence, can make their own decisions without fear of retribution or retaliation, and share decisions.

How do you maintain personal space in a relationship? ›

How to Maintain Space in Your Relationship
  1. Communicate With Your Partner. In order to create space in your relationship, you will need to openly communicate with your partner. ...
  2. Schedule Time for Self-Care. ...
  3. Set Boundaries. ...
  4. Find Small Ways to Create Space. ...
  5. Broaden Your Support System.
Dec 24, 2020

How do I stop wasting time in my relationship? ›

If it does, here are some ways to save precious time and to satisfy whatever you're craving in your next relationship.
  1. Figuring out what you don't want is just as important as figuring out what you do. Relationship. ...
  2. Know your worth. ...
  3. Avoid desperation. ...
  4. Run your own race. ...
  5. Cover your ears and watch it unfold.
Sep 16, 2013

What are the 3 key goals to keep your life in balance? ›

Here are the 3 areas: “WHAT” Goals - Business, career and financial goals, what you want to accomplish in life. “WHY” Goals - Personal, family and health goals, why you want to accomplish your business and career goals. “HOW” Goals - Personal and professional growth, how you achieve the “WHAT” and enjoy the “WHY”.

What are the 3 main goals? ›

There are three types of goals- process, performance, and outcome goals.
What is goal setting?
  • Process goals are specific actions or 'processes' of performing. ...
  • Performance goals are based on personal standard.


1. 5 Principles of Personal Excellence (DR. Myles Munroe)
2. PERSONAL EXCELLENCE: Navigation Towards Personal Excellence
3. Staff Development Programme | Organizational Goal Setting & Planning | Centre of Excellence | TECNIA
(Tecnia Tv)
4. If you want to achieve your goals, don't focus on them: Reggie Rivers at TEDxCrestmoorParkED
(TEDx Talks)
5. 8 Habits of Great Leaders, Part 2
(Craig Groeschel)
6. How a student changed her study habits by setting goals and managing time | Yana Savitsky | TEDxLFHS
(TEDx Talks)


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