How Your Relationships Can Bring Out the Best in You - Thriving Globally (2023)

Every week my wife and I have a meeting where we talk about what is going well in our family and what we could do better. She knows when I'm not acting and criticizes me, which isn't always easy to listen to. But I know that I am lucky to be married to someone who continues to challenge me to work on myself and be a better person.

When we think of personal growth, we often imagine an individual quest, like Don Quixote on a journey of self-improvement. We are advised to increase our self-control, become bolder, and develop a sense of purpose. So we hunker down, turn inward, and begin the lonely task of transforming our habits and behaviors.

And yet, the people who do well often do so with the help of others. The best athletes have coaches. The best leaders have mentors. Big dads have blogs for dads and other big dads to share ideas. Even those contemplative Buddhist monks who seem to be at the height of self-transcendence are often surrounded by other transcendent monks.

Research backs this up and suggests that positive relationships can help us thrive, grow, and become better people. As my wife and I have experienced, we often have romantic partnersencourage and supporteach other towards common goals. When parents are highly involved in school, their children tend to beDo wellscientific. And positive support from friends, especially in adolescence and early adulthood, can do just that.encourage usBe more empathetic and helpful to others.


In all the different areas of our lives, our relationships can not only help us feel good, but they can also help us be good. If you want to reap those benefits, here are six simple ways you can use your relationships to fuel your growth.

1. Spend time with the right people

usualWillmore and more like the people we spend our time with. The more we see someone modeling a behavior and reinforcing that behavior in a positive way, the more likely we are to try it ourselves, whether it's a friend finding success with a new exercise routine or a partner overcoming disagreements and keeping things going. calm trying to breathe more. .

One of the most fundamental ways to ensure that your relationships help you grow is to surround yourself with the right people. Some relationships frustrate us, others make us happy, and others challenge us (and some relationships do all three!). While breaking relationships and starting over isn't always easy, we can certainly try to spend more time with people who challenge us.

This does not mean finding someone better than you and trying to be like them. Instead, think about how your strengths can complement someone else's. Perhaps your siblings are detail-oriented and organized, while you are more adventurous and can get carried away traveling together. You can learn from others as they learn from you.

2. Create goals with others

Who says goal setting has to be a solitary endeavor?

When we share our goals with others, we immediately have someone to be accountable to. If I tell my wife I'm trying to quit sugar, all she has to do is give me that look when I grab a donut to remind me of my appointment. It's hard to hold on to one goal all the time, but it's easier when you have someone to help you get over an obstacle or catch you if you fall.

If we go one step furthercontextReaching goals with others, like running a half marathon together or taking classes together to learn a new language, so we don't feel so alone when the journey gets tough.

The social support we receive from others is incredibly powerful, especially during these difficult times. When the pressure is high, those with higher levels of social support tend to do so.less stress.

we can alsobe more motivatedwhen we are working towards a goal with another person. Consider being pushed by another runner to run a little faster than you otherwise would. Or you give up your Saturday for a charity project because a friend is doing the same. Sometimes we need someone to inspire us to be the best of ourselves.

3. Ask for feedback

Usually it is up to us to decide in which areas we can improve. And while this process of self-reflection is important, we are sometimes misjudged about our own abilities; usualShowwe know much more than we really know. So why not look at our relationships as a source of feedback on where we can improve?

Feedback is fundamental to our development.Seekhas shown that if we take feedback and use it as an opportunity for growth, we are more likely to improve over time. How much faster would this process be if we asked for feedback instead of waiting for it? Imagine your partner's reaction if you asked her opinion about what she could have done differently after a big argument, or how surprised your teen would be if she asked how you could be a better parent this school year. .

Our positive relationships provide a safe space to work on ourselves with the support of people who care about us. But sometimes we need to take the first step and ask for that support.

4. Tap into your wider network

as financial capital,capital socialIt is a valuable resource to invest in for our own good. The more meaningful relationships we have, the more social features will be available. We often find cherished jobs or hobbies through our relationships, even three or four degrees apart, like his brother's wife's friend who heard about this great job posting.

Social capital not only feeds us new ideas, activities, and opportunities, it also gives us the freedom to do more of the things we're good at when we find other people to help us with the things we're good at aren't as good. good ones . This brings advantages at home and at work: employees are, for example,more dedicatedwhen they spend more time using their strengths. and teenagers arehappier and less stressedwhen your parents focus on developing your strengths.

When you don't know how to do something or where to start with a new goal, find someone in your network who does.

5. Be grateful

Gratitude has long been promoted as a way to increase our happiness, but so has it.motivates ustowards self-improvement. If you want to give your relationships a simple boost, you can start by simply practicing gratitude for them. The act of giving thanks can boost our confidence and encourage us to move forward with our goals, perhaps because it makes us feel more connected to people and creates a sense of uplifting, a powerful positive emotion that arises when we see other people doing good deeds. . .

Imagine that you are studying to be a doctor because you want to help people. During a particularly challenging time in medical school, he decides to take time to thank everyone who has helped him get to this point. This allows you to recognize all that you have achieved with the help of others, which increases your self-confidence. You feel so inspired by the help others have given you that you get a boost in motivation to complete your program so you can go out and help others too.

So think of someone who has been a great help to you in the past, and reach out to that person to say thank you. This exchange will not only be good for both of you, but it can also rekindle a relationship that can fuel your growth.

6. Invest in others

When you use your relationships for social capital, you can also help others grow, which is another way to show gratitude.

Humans are motivated by reciprocity. When we receive a favor, we often want to return the favor (or advance). So offer to help a neighbor with a home improvement project like another neighbor helped you. Or contact someone you have helped in the past and visit them.

While helping others makes sense in itself, it doesn't hurt that it's often a mutually beneficial experience. We're helping someone else, and it usually feels great, and we may even learn something in the process. This is one of the reasons that workplace mentoring has become so common. It's a mutually beneficial exchange, as the mentee gains valuable information while the mentor hones her skills and gains new perspectives.

As my wife and I set goals together over the years, I encouraged her to be more spontaneous and explore the world while she helped me focus more on my passions. I am grateful to him and that motivates me to make the world a better place. Now that we've started giving back to our children, we hope they, too, will seek relationships that bring out the best in them. Because these are the kinds of relationships that help us all.

Originally posted ongreater good.

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